I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
