So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
