I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
