epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
