This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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