My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize