Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
