i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
