I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
