I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
