Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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