my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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