so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
be right there i have to get my cape
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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