I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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