I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
