I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
