Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I cockslap morals
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
