i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
