I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Randomize
