you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
