you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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