I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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