A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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