Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
