I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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