Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Randomize
