My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
