I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
