she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
