I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
