Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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