AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
