Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
