is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
