You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
