All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
