I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
