dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
