i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
