i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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