How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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