naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
