We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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