Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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