he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
