So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
