miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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