I wanna passion pit in your ass
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
