I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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