Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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