don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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