Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
