clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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