The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
