9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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