I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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