You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
