"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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