I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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