so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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