I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
