I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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