Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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