No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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