his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
