your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
