I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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